He wrapped his hands around my throat some more. He sat on the Dear Ghosts If You Can Move Shit Around And Flicker Lights shirt and smoked a cigarette while he watched TV, telling me to stay where I was because he wasn’t done yet. My daughter was still screaming upstairs. Eventually she cried herself to sleep and got quiet. He got up from the couch a couple more times and it continued. Somehow we moved from beside the computer desk to near the front door. He dragged me away from the window just in case someone got close enough to hear or to look through and see.
Looming…a tower of a man. I turned and ran. I was running away from my Dear Ghosts If You Can Move Shit Around And Flicker Lights shirt but he was between me and that path. As I ran I wondered if I was being silly. “Don’t run, I’ll catch ya!” He yells. It’s like being prey. You feel helpless. Everything is adrenaline. I kick off my heels. I hold my keys and my phone and throw my purse. I round a sharp corner. Nothing but empty movie studios. Everyone has gone for the day. It’s a dark desolate lot. I see an alley and run for it. I ran in and ran hard. It was a dead end. I was a goner. I hid behind a Camry. I watched as he entered the alley.
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I can now, but that’s only after many, many readings. I still have my Dear Ghosts If You Can Move Shit Around And Flicker Lights shirt when it hits me how fast it all goes. Im deftly reminded on days they don’t need me as much, of how quickly my little boys will soon be men. No longer will they need a boo boo kiss from mama, and the cries for one more story will stop. I know sooner, rather than later I will long to hear, “watch mama, look what I can do”. Though at times those words annoy me and I answer back too harshly with a, “What? I already seen you do it”, or a “give me a minute, I’m busy”.