It doesn’t sound like you hate the trans community, it sounds like 1981 the birth of Wonder Woman life begins at forty shirt. You make it very obvious – you don’t know why anyone would want to be trans, you wish you were cis, you call it “a fucked up medical condition.” It sounds like your dysphoria is eating you alive and you’re angry that other people can embrace being trans in a way that you can’t right now. You have to learn to accept that part of yourself or you’ll be miserable for the rest of your life. You and I will never, ever be cis. I’m sorry, but it’s just not possible. I know this makes you upset – I know you understand this factually and it’s not new information – but you have to accept it and say, ok, I’m trans, it is what it is, and let go of as much emotion around that as you can. And more than that, you have to find a way to make it work for you somehow.